


Cracks

by thegreybird



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 22:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1874052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreybird/pseuds/thegreybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They touch each other, find each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracks

**I**

>   
>  What is crooked cannot be made straight,  
>  and what is lacking cannot be counted.
> 
> Ecclesiastes 1:15  
> 

They kiss for days: lazy touches exchanged in the dim bedroom, alone, _alone_ , only dust floating in the few stray rays of sun around them. They touch each other, find each other.

And maybe, Kieren thinks, maybe he can’t fix Simon, can’t make his nightmares go away and can’t kiss his spine back into his flesh. But maybe that’s okay, too. He can’t undo everything, but he can kiss his skin, learn the pattern of his throat with his fingers, touch his smile. He can fill up the cracks, if only a bit.

The Japanese, Kieren had read once, have an art of fixing broken things with lacquer resin mixed with gold or silver, the cracks and missing pieces becoming history, becoming illuminated. 

So maybe it’s like that, he thinks, maybe he can’t fix Simon but maybe he doesn’t have to, in the first place. Maybe this will be good too: bold touches, palms hurriedly pressed against skin and hair, shared breaths that they don’t really need but still want, when one starts and other finishes, lips and teeth catching – hungry, wanting.  


He traces along Simon’s spine – fingers just shy of the naked flesh and bone, the no man’s land. Maybe this is the plan instead, he thinks, maybe this is how it goes.

**II**

>   
>  For in much wisdom is much vexation,  
>  and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.
> 
> Ecclesiastes 1:18  
> 

Sometimes Simon thinks he would rather not know. It’s selfish, he tells himself, you’re selfish. But he still sometimes will look at Kieren and think no, no, not him.

_“Tell me about your death?” Simon asks against Kieren’s collarbone, lips moving slowly against the cold ashen skin. And then thinks a moment later No, no, please don’t. He does tell him, of course, his brilliant boy._

Sometimes he will wake up in the middle of the night with the clock showing some ridiculous hour, he will wake up and look at Kieren sleeping next to him and Simon’s forever-still heart will bleed. 

_“Tell me?” Kieren asks, touching his back for the first time. It’s gentle. He doesn’t feel it, of course he doesn’t, but he knows it is, like a phantom memory – not real, but it could be. It could be. Simon twists his mouth, if he could still taste he’s sure he could feel the stale tang of shame and anger on the tip of his tongue. He tells Kieren everything. Of course he does._

Sometimes they will be walking somewhere, fingers not quite touching, and Simon will suddenly catch a glimpse of the stitches on Kieren’s wrists and think _thank you, thank you, I have him now_ and _why him, why, not him_ all at the same time. Selfish, he tells himself and then thinks: but love _is_ selfish, isn’t it? 

They will be walking somewhere and Simon will take Kieren’s hand and lace their fingers together, map patterns on his palm with his thumb. 

And Kieren will smile brightly and say, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt asking for something with biblical references. So this happened. The quotes are from Ecclesiastes (the English Standard Version). 
> 
> Also no beta, so all mistakes are my own (pointing them out is greatly appreciated).


End file.
